Council Bluffs (AP) – “Cancel your late season skiing plans and give up on your Canucks early this year, ladies and gentlemen, because spring training is back,” was returning GM and owner Nick Hansen’s opening line to the throng of baseball fans in Western Iowa at an early morning press conference. Tens of fans had gathered to hear the good news on this chilly and remarkably snow free day.

Long courted by elements of the CFCL since the disintegration of the now defunct Nick’s Picts franchise, Hansen has relented to the demands of this baseball-starved region and applied for membership in the Midwest’s premier fantasy baseball league. “I know the Picts were the very model of striving toward mediocrity,” Hansen continued, “but inheriting a pre-built franchise should afford us a firm place in the middle of the pack next season. We look forward to providing the bar by which all other franchises can measure failure in seasons to come.”

All of this assumes, of course, ratification of the application for membership. While sources say the acceptance is a foregone conclusion, no one was willing to put that on the record.

Hansen made the announcement sporting the new uniforms for the franchise. “Nick’s Picts exemplified Tartan Pride, but those colors should remain retired. Heck, I should probably remain retired. Still, today we embark on a new path, with a new team, and a renewed relationship with our sponsor, Eukennott Sausages. I think speak on behalf of all NL-style baseball fans, as well as the area’s disaffected Royals fans when I recommend the Eukennott Beatniks’ application to the CFCL.”

Can a ragtag ensemble of black beret and turtleneck wearing hipsters strike fear in the league’s other franchises? Will the CFCL even associate with the local nine? One thing is certain, this team would always do well On The Road.